Worried your man might cheat?

A Miami Beach rabbi who is a regular on the talk-show circuit (he's been on Oprah nine times, twice this month), says you need to greet him at the door dolled up and ready with a kiss and a smile and some genuine interest in how his day went.

''We do bring the best or worst out in our spouses,'' says M. Gary Neuman, a therapist who deals with family issues and whose latest book, The Truth About Cheating (Wiley, $24.95), ranked No. 9 on Sunday's New York Times hardcover-advice bestseller list. ''And men are far more impressionable than you think,'' Neuman says. ``They are shocked themselves when they get so lost that they cheat. It means so much to them when another woman comes around and does nice things for them.''

So, in general, you need to remind your guy how much you appreciate him. You need to stroke his ego about what a good provider he is (even if you're bringing home a good portion of the turkey bacon). You need to -- get this -- be happy with that piece of jewelry he got you, even if you're dying to run back to the store and exchange it for something you actually like.

And you need to step things up in the bedroom. He's not expecting acrobatics. But whatever he usually gets, he wants more often.

Remember these things, and maybe he won't be a dog, Neuman says. Turns out men's feelings are a lot more fragile than anybody really suspected. After interviewing 100 cheaters and 100 faithful men, Neuman learned that the main reason men stray is not the sex. In fact, most of the cheaters said the other woman was less attractive than the wife.

''When husbands were asked why they cheated, the most popular answer was emotional dissatisfaction,'' writes Neuman, 43, who has five kids ages 13 to 20 with Melisa, his wife of 21 years. ``Cheating men wanted their wives to give to them in a host of ways, whether it be a neck massage, initiating sex, buying them their favorite CD, cooking a special dessert, saying how wonderful they were, or any other thoughtful gesture.''

THE ALFS

Poor things. At least, that's the way Stacy Alf of Rice, Minn., sees it. She and husband Eric, who cheated after three kids and six years of marriage, shared the stage with Neuman Tuesday on Fox's The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet.(Neuman also was on The Today Show on Sept. 22).

''He needed to be complimented. He needed me to tell him more what a good job he was doing as a husband and father,'' says Stacy, 31. ``Men are supposed to be hard-shelled. But they have this soft, chewy inside. I honestly didn't realize they were so sensitive.''

''I stopped feeling like a husband and started feeling more like a paycheck,'' says Eric, 27, who met the other woman while working as a customer-service rep for ING. He left the job and became a bill collector when he and his wife were reconciling.

''I admit that there were things I was doing wrong, too. But she wasn't meeting my emotional needs,'' he says. ``She wasn't building me up as a man or as a person. I need that. All of a sudden somebody at work started giving me that.''

The Alfs didn't work through their issues with Neuman -- they went to a counselor back home and relied on support from their church and their families -- but after reading his book, they say they could have prevented the affair if they had followed his advice.

''I look more presentable now when he comes home,'' Stacy says. 'Men are visual people. I used to be in a T-shirt and stretch pants. Now I put on jeans, a nicer shirt, a little eyeliner. We're taking it day by day, and it's tough. But we're communicating better. Now I'll speak about my needs, too. I'll say, `Hey buddy, I need the little notes. I need the flowers. You need to rub my back once in a while.' ''

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